Madness
by spiritual strength of 217
Summary: After Edward leaves Bella in New Moon she still turns into the zombie-like person for those few months. But things turn into something completely different when she is tired of wallowing in her own misery. Instead, wreaks havoc for everyone around her.
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1 - The Haircut

"Bella! What did you do? Your hair!" Charlie exclaimed as he walked into the kitchen. His eyes wide with astonishment.

Bella had chopped all her brown locks down to her chin. She was being rebellious against her better judgement. Feeling utterly miserable from Edward leaving, she wanted everyone to feel as miserable as her. Might as well start with something small.

"Leave me alone, _Charlie._" Bella's tone was cruel.

Charlie's face took in her expression with the new haircut. This wasn't the daughter he knew when she moved to Forks. Dark circles under her eyes from no sleep, donned in mostly black clothing, like she was mourning. Bella's hair short and stringy, uneven from the shears she used to cut her hair.

Before he arrived at home, Bella had decided to change her ways. She didn't want to be responsible anymore. She wanted to lash out at the world. Everyone she knew. Who cares? Obviously not Edward. He left. He _left. _No. No more tears for him anymore. He's gone.

_My heart is gone so I don't care anymore_. _I DON'T CARE! _

She thought to herself as Charlie watched her from the kitchen entrance. Bella took in a deep breath to dash the thoughts out of her mind.

Charlie observed her as she sat at the kitchen table staring at the tabletop. His heart was torn, but only halfway, when he heard of Bella's disappearance after Edward Cullen left. Now it was tearing apart completely, grieving for his daughter. What was going on? What was she doing? A complete 360 change in her in just 2 days. This was not like her. Bella was not Bella anymore.

"Bella? Honey..." Charlie tried to be soothing. He slowly walked closer to place his hand on her shoulder. Before he could even touch her, she sat up from the table. A crazed look upon her face.

"I _said..._LEAVE ME ALONE!!" she screamed from the top of her lungs.

Bella ran from the kitchen up the stairs, her footsteps heavy on each step. Reaching her room, she slammed the door with such force, it shook the walls of the kitchen. Sounds of glass breaking and objects being thrown around was all he could hear from upstairs. Charlie's face pained and the sting of tears threatened. He gave up, didn't know what to do anymore. Feeling utterly weak, he stumbled to the chair that Bella had just occupied. Hands on his face, Charlie cried helplessly.

* * *

It was Monday, time to start a new week of school. The thought of ditching school crossed Bella's mind, but what would be the point of staying home if her goal was to make everyone's life a living hell? The only person who would be miserable would be her. Alone at home. Alone. The word alone caused her to get up immediately.

Bella sat up from her bed slowly and eyed her disaster of a room. Her destruction from last night was all over the floor. Smiling approvingly, she headed to the bathroom. It didn't take her long to get ready for school. No more long hair to tend to, black attire was easy to come by, no mess to clean up after. In the kitchen, Bella only ate a piece of bread and a glass of orange juice for breakfast. The kitchen was full of dishes and the stench of spoiled food on dishes from 2 days ago was starting to waft up from the sink. She placed her orange juice glass on the counter instead and headed out the front door. Instead of picking up her schoolbag, she retrieved her truck keys and locked the front door.

On the way to school, she played her music loudly. Trying to be annoying as possible in the quiet streets of Forks. Stopping at a traffic light, Bella noticed Jessica Stanley and her mother in the van in front of her. A mischievous smiled crossed Bella's lips as she sat in thought. The engine of her red truck revved to a loud roar and she inched her front bumper closer to the Stanley van. Bella could see Jessica's head turn to look at her as her mother looked through the rearview mirror. Mrs. Stanley's eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. Bella's face was blank as she was being watched. She revved again, inching another inch closer. Break lights from the Stanley van flashed a warning of "back-off" at Bella. Bella laughed at the gesture and pressed the brake and gas at the same time, spinning the tires of her truck. The ground was slightly wet from the morning rain, Bella smiled at her ironic good luck. Just seconds passed and Bella could tell the Stanleys were getting anxious at her actions. Finally, the traffic light turned green and the Stanley van jerked forward as Mrs. Stanly accelerated.

Bella made sure to follow closely to the van, assuring she was harassing the Stanleys. As both the vehicles pulled into Forks High School parking lot, Bella parked her car. Mrs. Stanley drove Jessica to the closest entrance into the school from the parking lot. As she exited the car, Jessica looked at Bella from across the lot with disgust in her face. Bella got out of her car and scoffed a small laugh. The flow of fulfillment made Bella almost giddy. Her plan worked and it worked well.

What was next? Bella ran thoughts of what to do as she walked the halls of Forks High. Surprised faces and widened eyes pulled her out of her distraction of thoughts. Bella wondered why she was being stared at, then remembered her new haircut. After the realization, she displayed a look of disgust to return for the their stares.

"What are you looking at?!" she spat at a freshman. The freshman girl looked away with hurt in her eyes. Pulling her books in her arms closer to her chest.

As the stares continued, Bella kept her rude behavior up. As she turned the corner to arrive to her first class, a crowd formed around Jessica. Jessica's love of being the center of attention made Bella scoff as she moved closer to see what Jessica was up to.

"...spun the tires and my mom got mad! I don't know what was wrong with her." Bella could hear Jessica gossip to the crowd, her hands flailing about while she spoke.

Bella arrived at the edge of the crowd and stood to listen to the story that Jessica was producing. She crossed her arms and waited for Jessica to continue.

"My mom always thought Bella was odd for some reason. I did too, but anyway, I should have just listened to my mom to stay away from her."

As Jessica finished her sentence, she eyed me from behind one of the kids in the crowd. A look of embarrassment flushed her cheeks. The crowd turned their heads to see Bella standing there with a venomous look in her eyes. Some gasped and some eyes widened at Bella's new look.

Bella managed to "hmph" loudly and walk away. Jessica eyebrows raised as she eye some of the kids in the crowd.

"See what I mean?"

* * *

Bella's first class was English class, an easy class to distract herself in. The schoolwork was always so simple enough to pass without really paying attention. Bella would use this opportunity to cause trouble for the class and the teacher. As Mr. Proxy walked into the class, he started to speak of the day's agenda.

"Today we are starting on Romeo and Juliet and..." the classed moaned in disappointment.

Bella sighed in frustration. She already knew this material almost by heart from her high school in Phoenix. As Mr. Proxy passed small booklets of Romeo & Juliet out to the class, Bella received it with no appreciation. She picked it up, scanned the first few pages, then slammed back against the table. Mr. Proxy turned around at the sound of book hitting desk. He looked at her a little longer than necessary, noticing her total change in looks.

"Miss Bella, I don't appreciate your attempt to destroy school property."

Bella rolled her eyes at him.

"I already read this material." Bella jutted her jaw out in defiance. "I don't feel like reading it again..and again."

"If you don't wish to join the class in this assignment, feel free to accept a zero for your score." Mr. Proxy told her.

"You know, Mr. Proxy. I know this material so well, I could probably teach it to the class better than you."

Mr. Proxy fumed with anger. He grabbed the book from Bella's desktop and placed it on a desk with a student occupying it.

"You may leave, Miss Bella." Mr. Proxy spoke to her with his back turned towards her.

"Where am I suppose to go?!" Bella threw her hands up.

"It doesn't matter but you can't stay here where you're disrupting my class. Goodbye."

"Ugh." she got up for her desk and stormed out of the class. "Have fun with Romeo and Juliet." she rolled her eyes and slammed the door. Some of the kids jumped at the bang of metal hitting the frame furiously.

Bella headed out to her truck, quickly deciding to sit in her vehicle till next class. She turned on the ignition, then the radio, changing stations till she found music that would occupy her mind for now. Finding a country station, she turned it up a little as drops of rain started to pitter-patter her windshield. The radio was the old radio that was in the truck before Emmett, Rosalie, & Jasper had given her the newer version for her birthday. The classy, expensive one was still in a bag in her closet. Bella's To Do List in her head gave her an idea to burn the new radio when she would remember to do it. Maybe a sledgehammer would work too.

The song on the country station started to play a song about a man moving on after his mistakes in life. Leaving his hometown to start anew. Leaving all the old things behind, to only begin with his car's tank full of fresh gas as he left. Bella turned to look at the radio and the hurt that she's been trying to escape came flooding back as the singer broke into chorus.

_I was a mistake. That's why he left. Leaving behind his mistakes. He didn't love me. He left me. Alone._

The fresh thoughts of abandonment went well with the rain falling. Bella squeezed her eyes shut to push out the harsh feelings building inside. She tried to think of something else. Bella realized then that when she wasn't tormenting someone, she didn't hurt inside. She didn't cry. Instead, she smiled, but not with happiness. Just with contentment of everyone's misery. Exhaling a breath roughly, she turned off the radio, killing the depressing song. As she revved the engine, Bella turned on the windshield wipers, also, to wipe away the rain. To wipe away her hurt. She needed to do something drastic to keep the horrific thoughts from entering her mind again. That mischievous grin crossed her lips again, getting wider to show her teeth as the idea of causing trouble almost made her laugh. And she did, just for the heck of it.

"Damn you, Edward." she said before she put the truck into gear.

She sped through the lot and headed to a big empty part of the parking lot where no cars occupied it. Bella continued to turn the wheel of her truck sharply and started spinning. She achieved what she wanted when she spun in a donut as the tires squealed against the pavement. Bella wooted in excitedness and in satisfaction. The squealing of the tires caused such a raucous. Students and teachers were starting to look out of the classroom windows out of curiosity. Bella continued to donut her truck. The principle made his way out of his office, trying to block the rain from his eyes. He waves his arms expressively in the air, trying to catch Bella's attention. Bella did see him but ignored his actions. She kept on with her display. After a moment of standing under the rain, the frustration was apparent. Suddenly, the principle grabbed a cell phone from the inside pocket of his jacket and dialed a number that was unknownst to Bella. He spoke with intensity with the person on the other line then hung up. He stormed back into the school, ignoring her intentions for trouble. Who did he call? Bella was now curious. She slowed down the speed of her truck and parked it to the farthest corner of the parking lot. Waiting for almost 20 minutes for something to happen, she saw Charlie's cruiser enter Forks High property.

* * *

"Bella! You could have hurt yourself or damaged property! For pete's sake it was raining! Weren't you thinking of the consequences before doing something stupid like that?" Charlie's voice was loud.

"Do you think I care? I just don't _care_ anymore." Bella's voice also raised.

"Mrs. Stanley called me too. She told me what you did this morning before school. What is _wrong_ with you?!"

Bella giggled at that like it was a funny joke.

"Oh. So it's funny? You're being reckless, Bella." he huffed and ran his hand through his hair in frustration as he paced the kitchen.

"You should have seen their faces, Charlie. It was _priceless_!" a smile was on her face as she spoke.

"And what is with the 'Charlie'? What happened to Dad?" Charlie emphasized on the word 'Dad'. He stood in the middle of the kitchen to think for a moment before speaking again. "Isabella Swan. I am at a loss. First you are like a zombie, you weren't alive. Now...you've turned into something completely different. I don't even know what to call it. Mrs. Stanley actually called you a 'monster'." he jut his head out at the thought of Mrs. Stanley's accusation of Bella.

Bella winced at the word monster. She was in love with a monster. A monster who didn't love her anymore. The monster didn't want her anymore. Her face went blank as the thought sunk in. Charlie looked at her and tried to observe her reaction to his lecture. He bent down to be eye level with Bella as she sat on the kitchen chair again. Looking at her sternly, placing both his hands on her shoulders, he spoke with concern.

"Maybe you should go home to your mom in Jacksonville."

"NO!"

"I can't handle the phone calls and outbreaks of your anger, Bella. I don't know what to do anymore, honey."

"I am NOT going to Jacksonville. You can't make me." Bella was being childish.

"Things have to change, Bella. You've only been like this for almost a week, but it can't go on any further. No more." Charlie was stern now with his ultimatums.

The tables have turned. Bella used to be the "responsible" person in the household. Making sure everything was comfortable for Charlie, cooking dinner (who knows how Charlie ever made it this far from his terrible cullinary skills), a warm cozy home to come home to, the household chores. Not anymore, no more responsibilities for Bella. Charlie noticed too. Not that he minded, but Bella could do whatever she wanted, as long as she was "Bella", the daughter he knew.

Still looking at Bella, desperation was apparent in Charlie's voice as he spoke.

"Tell me what to do. Talk to me." Charlie was breathing raggedly as emotion took over. The frown on his lips & the pucker of his chin made it known that Charlie was in the verge of breaking down.

Bella couldn't help but feel the overwhelming emotion of guilt for making Charlie feel this way. Her goal to make everyone miserable had worked 100%. But Charlie seemed to be getting the bad end of the stick throughout her mission. He would be the one to see her wallow in misery everyday as he arrived home from work. To hear the phone calls from every person Bella would encounter with her lashing out. Witness the disasters left behind by Bella and her sudden outburst to damage things. Lecture her, or try to get through to Bella, convincing her to calm down and realize the outcome of her viciousness.

As these thoughts dawned on her, her face crumpled in pain and in heavy guilt. The tears flowed from her eyes and was fully flowing heavily. Loud sobs filled the room as Bella sat and shook with every sob that came from her body. Charlie, not abling to hold it anymore, embraced her with fatherly arms and held her tight as she cried. Tears began to fall from his also, but not as heavily as Bella's. Relief washed over Charlie, knowing that Bella understood at some point, the point of his talk with her. Bella's arms embraced her father also, weakly holding onto something she knew that was real, to someone she knew that loved her unconditionally.

"It's alright, honey. You'll get through this. We'll get through it."

They held each other for awhile, Charlie letting Bella pour her emotion out all over his shoulder.

"Thank you, Dad. I love you." Bella murmured against his shoulder.

A small, loving smile broke against his lips. Bella called him 'Dad'. His hold on her tightened.

"You're welcome. I love you too, Bells."


	2. Chapter 2 Just a Fraction

**CHAPTER 2 - Just a fraction**

Charlie thought this phase in Bella would be over. Thought that the talk with her would change things, maybe he was just being too hopeful. Things only got worse.

Bella's attitude lessened just a fraction. Still, the phone calls from school would come. Complaints from certain folks in town almost doubled. Only damage that Charlie was obligated to repairing, so far, was the broken driver's window on her Chevy truck. Even Bella's taste in music had changed as he heard it blaring from upstairs. Only alternative music with a lot of screaming seemed to play from her stereo. At least her destruction of her room has disappeared.

Bella's heavy footsteps reached the stairs as she clomped down toward the living room. It was the weekend, Charlie would have to put up with Bella's unpleasant attitude. Concentrating on not upsetting her. He had plans for Billy to head over and watch the game with him. Now that he saw Bella come down from her room, he second thought about his company coming over to visit. But it was too late, he could hear the engine of the red VW Rabbit pull up onto his driveway, blocking Bella's truck in. Charlie took a deep breath to calm his coming anxiety, and embarrassment, and got up from his lounge chair to open the door for Jacob & Billy.

"Hey Billy. Hey Jacob. C'mon in!" he greeted his old friend and his son.

Billy and Jacob had a comforting smile as they crossed the threshold of Charlie's home.

"Hi Charlie. Thanks." Jacob said as he pushed his father's wheelchair through.

"Charlie! You ready to lose some money? My team is going to win today for sure." Billy snickered as he reached out to shake Charlie's hand.

Jacob laughed at their play.

"Sure sure, Billy. But remember this is my house. I can kick you out at anytime, old friend. You can drive yourself home in your wheelchair & Jacob can stay." Charlie joked as he slapped Billy's shoulder.

They all laughed. Charlie felt good being able to laugh and joke again. Bella sat at the couch ignoring them as she flipped through the channels of the television.

"Bella?" Charlie turned to look at her. He raised his eyebrows in gesture to follow his direction of saying hello to their guests.

"What?"

"Don't be rude, Bella."

"Don't worry about it, Bella." Billy said to relieve some of the tension building in the living room. "Your father was just threatening to kick me out of his house!"

"Hey Bella." Jacob walked over to the couch to greet her.

"Hi." she said shortly.

Jacob sat down on the recliner. "What'cha watching?"

"I don't _know. _That's why I'm flipping through the channels, obviously." Bella rolled her eyes.

"Wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?" Jacob asked with one eyebrow raised.

"Ugh. I can't deal with this today." she got up from the couch and tossed the remote on the couch. Grabbing her truck keys, she headed toward the front door.

"I'm leaving. Hi Billy. Bye Billy. Happy?" she eyed her dad.

"Where you going?" Charlie asked.

"None of your business, Dad."

At least she was still calling him Dad. That's all she could do after putting him through so much difficulties and him fixing the aftermath she left behind.

"Bella." he tried to sound fierce at her attitude.

Bella closed the front door behind her, ignoring Charlie, only to come back after a few seconds.

"Jacob. Your _car _is blocking my way." Bella stood with her arms crossed. A look of frustration made her jaw slightly jut out.

"Woops. Just a second." Jacob headed out the front door nonchalantly, without closing it. Bella followed him heading toward her truck.

Luckily, the morning weather seemed to be nice. The breeze was not so strong and it pleased Bella. She decided it would be a good day. Maybe she would relax and be calm for once. As long as she would be alone. Maybe she would drive to Portland, just to drive. Pick up a few cd's that were just released Bella's been planning to purchase. Jacob was pulling out behind her, parking alongside the street. Bella didn't really pay attention as her agenda of the day was being put together in her head. She also didn't notice that Jacob walked up to her open driver side window, trying to talk to her.

"Bella. Bella?" he waved his hand catching her attention finally.

"Hmm? What?"

"Where you going?" he asked.

"Why? You going to run off to tell Charlie where I'm going?" she slowly closed and opened her eyes dramatically.

"Nah. I was just wondering 'cause I'm not really into watching the game. I just came along to give my dad a ride."

_Oh great. _

Bella thought in her head.

_What is he up to? _

Suspicion made Bella narrow her eyes at him.

"Is it cool if I came along. I mean, if it's cool with you." Jacob asked, raising his eyebrows in question.

"I don't think so." Bella said slowly.

"Why not? We could go do something in La Push, if you want. Go off-roading in your truck. You can even do donuts in the dirt." he smiled teasingly at Bella.

Obviously, Jacob knew of Bella's happenings. Of course, it was a small town. Gossip spread like wild fire, especially about her. Most likely it had been Charlie who told.

"My dad tell you that? Figures."

"Actually, he told my dad. My dad mentioned it to me." Jacob nodded, correcting her.

"Whatever." she rolled her eyes and shook her head simultaneously.

"Okay! Great!" Jacob exclaimed. "Hey Charlie, Dad. I'm going with Bella. Be back later!" he yelled toward the open front door. Charlie appeared then.

"Alright, Jacob. See you later." Charlie then closed the door.

Jacob circled the front of the truck and headed to the passenger side. Billy was looking out the window behind the curtain.

"What? I didn't say you could...._Ugh_!" Jacob entered the truck, plopping himself with an 'Aahh' as he closed the door.

"_GET _out, Jacob. I didn't say it was alright."

"Yeah you did, Bella. You said 'whatever'." he smiled at her. Jacob didn't care that he was getting on Bella's nerves.

"That didn't mean..." she practically growled as she didn't finish her sentence. Her face was flushed with anger.

The front door opened suddenly, Charlie's head leaning out. Worry plus concern laced his statement.

"Bella? Be careful. _Please_!" Charlie shouted out the door.

Jacob rolled down the window of the truck, waving his hand in assurance to Charlie.

"Don't worry, Charlie. I'll take care of her." Jacob smiled comfortably toward Charlie. "Let's go! We don't got all day." turning his head to speak to Bella, getting comfortable in the seat.

"I'm not moving till you get out. So get out." she growled.

"C'mon! I'll drive, if you want."

Jacob was so persistent! She was irritated beyond comprehension. Bella didn't know what to do as she sat fuming in her seat. Her hands gripping the steering wheel hard, the knuckles on her hand paling white.

"By the way, I like your hair."

Bella abruptly turned to look at him with confusion in her face. Was he joking? There was a boyish, warm smile on his face. No, he was serious. Jacob Black was the first one to compliment her about her hair. For some odd reason, her irritation disintegrated. Her focus seemed to veer from her anger just a moment ago. Bella looked at the windshield of the truck for a moment, then put the car into reverse, backing out of the driveway. She drove down the road as silence filled the cabin of the car.

"Okay, Jacob. Which way?"

Jacob warm smile widened in excitement.

* * *

"Turn here. Left. Then just follow the path till it ends." Jacob instructed Bella.

The silence in the cab since that moment was awkward. Bella hasn't seen Jacob since the time at First Beach. He hasn't changed a bit. Still the young boyish face she found adorable. Hair still long and lustrous. For a second, she was envious of his hair. Her hair blew furiously around her face as the wind from the open window pushed it in every direction. It was too short, now, to hold it out of the way with a rubber band. Jacob's hair stayed perfect in his band. He smiled while surveying the forest, enjoying the nice breeze.

Bella turned into the dirt road that Jacob pointed out and slowed the ancient truck to a slower speed. Waiting for the end of the path. Trees were thick on both sides but started to lessen in number as she went deeper down the path. As the path ended, so did the thick forest of trees. Instead there was an opening into what seem like a mix of meadow and dirt. It looked like a small track with small jumps for off road vehicles or other sorts. Trees lining the open field, just like her and Edward's meadow. The misery she was able to dash away for quite some time was spreading quickly throughout her body. She bit her lip to hold it together.

She would need this. Something to kick the adrenaline into action and thrust the pain inside of her out. Studying the dirt in the open field of space, she kicked the engine into high gear as she accelerated toward it.

"Whoa! Okay..okay." Jacob's attention jumped into alert.

In the center of the dirt field, Bella turned the wheel abruptly, like the way she did in the wet parking lot of Forks High. Jacob held onto the door as the turn pushed him into wayward directions. It was a good thing he had his seatbelt on. Bella felt that adrenaline rush throughout her veins and pushed the car harder. The rush, though, did not feel as strong as it was when she first did it in the parking lot. Disappointment slowly crept up on her as the realization dwindled.

"Can I drive, Bella?" Jacob asked, interrupting her thoughts.

Bella slowed to a stop and got out of the truck. Jacob scooted over to the driver's side, then waited for Bella to get in.

"Aren't you coming?"

"No." Bella shook her head. "Go ahead. I'll just watch."

She walked to the grassy part of the field, toward the edge, closer to the trees. She sat on the ground, pulling her knees up and tucking them under her chin. Jacob wooted as he made donuts in the dirt, dirt sputtering everywhere as he did so.

Watching Jacob enjoy himself in his off-roading fun, Bella could hear a faint sputtering engine coming from a distance. She turned her head in the direction of the high pitched, whiny engine sound. At first, she could not see anything as the thickness of the trees blocked her view. Then, a boy around her age, rode his dirt bike into view. Riding swiftly into the open dirt field. Bella watched in admiration as the boy started to take jumps off the dirt ramps that was there for that purpose. Even Jacob slowed to watch the boy ride adventurously through the road.

Jacob drove in Bella's resting location. Bella stood up, never taking her eyes off the rider.

"I wanna do that." Bella admitted.

"I can make it happen, if you want."

Bella looked at Jacob, confused. Did Jacob have a dirt bike too?

"Yeah right. Whatever, Jacob."

"I can! I know who that is. Let's go say hi." Jacob told Bella. "Just get in the truck. We'll drive over there."

Jacob made his way after Bella got in.

"That's Quil, one of my best friends. I didn't know he was coming today."

As Jacob made that perception, a car came into view from the other end of the field. Another truck, an old blue Dodge Ram pulled up next to Jacob as Jacob stilled the truck.

"Embry! There you are. I didn't know you were planning to come today." Jacob excitedly spoke.

"Yeah, I was able to borrow the truck and follow Quil in." Embry responded. "You got your truck back? What happend to the _Alice in Wonderland _piece of crap?"

Alice in Wonderland was the nickname Quil & Embry used for Jacob's VW Rabbit. It was a corny, stupid joke between the trio, but they thought it was funny. Of course, except Jacob.

"Hey now. It runs, right? It's not a piece of crap. At least I got a car." Jacob defended his vehicle.

All Embry do was laugh as Jacob spoke. He then noticed Bella sitting in the passenger seat. Embry nodded his head upwards, pointing towards Bella.

"Who's that?" Embry asked.

"Oh. Sorry. This is Bella. Charlie's daughter. That's why I got the truck, it's hers."

"Oh, cool. Hi Bella." Embry waved in Bella's direction. He flashed a teethy smile at Bella.

Bella just smiled as politely as she could, lifting her hand to respond with some gesture of a greeting.

"That's Embry." Jacob turned his head to tell her. He returned his attention back to Embry. "Hey Em, let's get Bella to have a ride on it, yeah?" Jacob said.

"She wants a try?"

"Actually, maybe we'll start off with her riding in the back." Jacob was a little hesitant, assuming she didn't know how to ride a dirt bike properly. He assumed right. Bella rolled her eyes at Jacob, but didn't say a word.

"Can we just do this already?" Bella was getting impatient. She plopped herself against the back rest of the seat.

"Okay, okay, Bella. Just a second. We're getting to that. But we have to go over some rules before doing anything." Jacob sounded serious.

"Fine."

Embry honked the horn as Jacob & Bella had the small talk. Quil was alerted and made his way to the two parked trucks.

"Hey Jacob. What's up?" Quil greeted.

"Quil, hey, nice air!"

"It's good it's not raining today." Quil looked upward, into the sunny sky. Glad that there were no clouds in sight.

"Quil, this is Bella. Bella, Quil."

"Hi Bella, nice to meet you." Quil held a hand out with a big smile to shake hands with Bella.

Bella was hesitant and shook his hand shortly. "Hi." That same polite smile crossed her lips.

"C'mon Bella. It's our turn." Jacob said, excited for their turn.

They all got out of their trucks, Quil getting off the bike, kicking the kickstand. Jacob explained what she had to do to keep it safe while on the bike. Don't squeeze to hard when holding on, turn

with the rider as the bike turns, don't put too much weight while leaning onto the rider. Bella nodded her head in agreement and felt that nervousness, or was it adrenaline, creep up on her again. It was probably both. It didn't matter, she was just beyond excited to get on the bike.

Jacob mounted the yellow dirt bike, holding out his hand to help Bella mount in behind him. She firmly held him around the waist after he kick started the engine. The engine coming alive as Jacob revved.

"Hold on!" Jacob warned Bella.

"Okay!" Bella

.

The bike started to move slowly at first, then Jacob accelerated until Bella's hair was flying in the wind again. She didn't mind it was stinging as it whipped crazily around her face. The wind was very cool against her face, almost stinging her eyes. The monster under vibrated every part of her body as Jacob accelerated even more. Her smile grew wide and excited as she saw the first jump not too far ahead. Jacob tried to speak to her through the loud rumble of the dirt bike.

"I'm gonna go slow at first to see how we do."

Bella just nodded her head in agreement.

Jacob knew it would be dangerous to do a jump with a passenger behind him. So he took the dirt mound fast but gentle, not getting any air. Bella was immediately disappointed. There was a straight road till the next jump came. Jacob took that path at full speed, their clothes whipping against the wind, then slowed a little before riding the jump. Bella might have been disappointed by the first jump, but the speed getting to the second jump was fantastic. She wanted more.

"Jacob, let's go fast again."

"What? Oh, okay."

Jacob turned the bike to a head back, this time no jumps, just speed. He twisted the accelerator handle and they jerked into full speed. Jacob bent his head down in habit to fight against the wind as he rode rapidly through the field. They could hear Quil and Embry wooting them on with excitement. Bella was exhilarated. This was more incredible than the donuts on a rainy day.

"Again!" Bella demanded like a child, as they arrived to the end of the field.

Jacob did a repeat performance. Bella's grip on Jacob's waist tightened from excitement.

"I'm heading back. Embry probably wants a turn." Jacob admitted to Bella.

"Okay."

Quil and Embry's expressions were excited as they were approached. Embry seemed to be fired up for his turn. Bella jumped off first, hair completely disarrayed from the ride. Jacob followed, the bike still running.

"That was incredible!" Bella exclaimed.

"My turn." Embry interrupted impatiently.

He jumped onto the bike and took off full speed toward the jumps.

"I want to do that, though." Bella said pointing as Embry jumped with the bike.

"You'll have to learn how to ride the bike first, Bella." Jacob said.

"Ok, then you'll just have to teach me."

Jacob looked at her incredulously. Was that a demand? I guess so, because the look in Bella's face was serious.

* * *

Bella hasn't felt this good in such a long time. The day turned out better than she expected, thanks to Jacob. She would have to thank him later. Or would she? He _did_ invite himself to the ride. But all in all, Jacob didn't seem so bad at all.

"So...why did you cut your hair?"

Ok, maybe that last statement was just wishful thinking?

"Because I felt like it." Bella scoffed.

"Sor-ry, was just making small talk."

Bella was silent. She didn't want to talk about the reason or the reasons behind the reason.

"Ya know what? It's none of your business, Jacob. I have my reasons."

"Is it because of that guy?"

Bella's lips pursed. Her face flushed with heat as she got very agitated.

"I know the story, Bella. It's just me and my dad at the house, so I'm the only one he tells things to, sometimes."

"My dad has a big mouth." Bella tone was angry. She knew that Billy only knew these things because Charlie would tell him.

"Don't get mad at your dad, he's just worried about you." Jacob said.

That guilt that Bella always felt when it came to Charlie, came back, but it was worse when it was mixed with anger. She didn't want to talk about it anymore. Jacob just needed to shut up. Right now.

As an impulse, she sped the truck up to it's maximum speed. 55 mph. That idea didn't work as it started to sputter weird engine noises. Bella slammed on the break, causing Jacob's head to jerk forward.

"Hey! What are you doing?!"

"Ok, get out." she said calmly.

"What? We're almost there, let's just go." Jacob said incredulously.

"Then you can walk the rest back. _Get_ out!"

"You are insane!" he looked at her with shocked eyes. Then they mellowed out to normal. "You'll just have to push me out then." Jacob said, resting his elbow on the door frame, then resting his head on his hand.

"Fine."

Bella unbuckled her seatbelt, then unbuckled Jacob's. She opened the door from the inside and sat back on her side. Using all the anger she had inside of her, she pushed Jacob's shoulder with as much force as she could. Jacob was a big and tall guy, but this attempt caught him by surprise. His eyes widened in surprise. When the pushing force wasn't strong enough, she started to kick him by his rear to push him out the truck. Jacob almost stumbled, catching himself before he completely fell out of the truck. She closed the door and took off down the road.

"Bella! You're _CRAZY!_" Jacob yelled as she drove away.

Bella looked in the rearview mirror, laughing as she watched Jacob kick at the gravel on the side of the road.

Where was she going? Bella didn't want to go home yet. Not yet, not when Charlie and Billy would be upset with her about abandoning Jacob on the side of the street. She really needed time to herself. She was angry as Jacob put horrible thoughts of the past back into her head. Feeling angry, guilty, sad, weak, tired, all at the same time. But where would she go? Bella needed to let go of this pent up fury. Exhaling a sigh of frustration, tears stung her eyes. Her lips pursed and her nostrils flared. Bella knew where to go. She pushed her old truck down the road toward the Cullen home.


	3. Chapter 3 Vandalism

**CHAPTER 3 - vandalism**

Bella tried to remember the directions back to the Cullen home. Looking for the turn-off that was always hard to miss. She ran through her memories again of when she first visited Edward and his family. The tears started another flow of salty wetness down her cheeks. She thought she saw something of a path as she passed right by it. Making a U-turn and pausing by the side of the road to investigate. It could be it, but she still wasn't sure. Bella looked at the sky, the sun was still brightly shining up high in the sky. It wouldn't be setting for another couple hours. She didn't even realize how long she was with Jacob in the field. Turning the wheel of her truck, she headed into the unknown path.

Very hopeful that this was the path, she pushed herself until she wouldn't be able to drive anymore. Wanting to keep that anger inside her to help push herself, she thought of Edward and the last time she seen him. He was so distant, cruel, unaffectionate. Then he just disappeared. He didn't care that she was calling for him, searching for him, getting lost in the woods. Edward just didn't care. That's why he was gone. She sighed with relief, oddly, when the heat pulsed through her body as she was enraged again. Bella felt like punching something.

_No, Bella. Just wait till we get there. If we get there. _

Bella spoke to herself in her head. In a matter of minutes, what she was searching for appeared in front of her. An opening in the thickness of the trees came to view and there it was. The Cullen home. Obviously, it didn't look like anyone was occupying it, but Bella still felt hopeful that maybe, _maybe _someone would be there. The meadow that suppose to be a lawn of the house was overgrown with grass and foliage. The length of the vegetation was passed the height of the tires of her truck.

Pulling up to the front of the house, she parked the car and got out to study the house. The windows had no curtains as she peeked inside. Completely empty. The anger she had for Edward was now anger for the whole Cullen family. She didn't want to feel angry toward them before but they _all _left. Bella tried the front door, it was locked. She walked down the front steps and rounded around the back, to check the back door. Locked, of course. She kicked it, hoping the force would break the hold of the lock. Nothing, it still was locked. Bella growled in frustration as she started to beat at the back door with her hands. Tears and loud sobs came from Bella as she took her frustration out on the door.

It wasn't enough. She wanted to damage something. She wanted to leave something behind so that if someone ever did come back, they would know it was her. Bella turn to the sound of the river and stomped to the edge. She picked up a few big rocks she thought would do the trick and went back to the front of the house.

"I hate you, Edward Cullen!" she screamed as loud as she could as she threw one rock through a window.

Bella smiled in satisfaction as she heard the glass shatter into pieces. Anyone who would see her now would think she was completely crazy, a girl who had tears running down her face, laughing hysterically. Bella threw all the rocks that she held in her hands, breaking every window in the front house. Finishing her tantrum, she walked to the closest window, opened it from the other side, and entered the house.

Glass crunched under her shoes as she climbed through the window. Her eyes studied the house as she slowly walked through. Automatically, her direction steered her to where Edward's piano used to occupy. The lullaby played in her head as she looked at the empty space. Bella started to hum the song that she inspired for Edward. The tears ran down again and her humming became ragged.

Now remembering what she came to do, she headed to the stairs. Running two steps at a time. Forgetting she was a clutz most of the time, she tripped at the last step at the stop of the stairs. Cursing to herself. Finding the second set of stairs, she climbed them too, being more careful this time.

Reaching the top, she found the door that she was looking for. Grabbing the doorknob, she slowly opened the door. The sun through the window wall shone brightly as she walked in. Bella almost forgotten how beautiful the view was. She walked up to the big window and stared at the beauty before her. The window was warm from the sun as she touched it with her hand.

A breath escaped her lips. Bella closed her eyes and spoke to no one but herself.

"Just do what you came to do, Bella. Stop punishing yourself already."

Bella's hand reached for her keys in her pocket as she opened her eyes. She stared at the wall behind her. The shelves that Edward kept his CD collection on was still there. Dropping her keys, she grabbed one shelf and pulled as hard as she could, breaking them down. Some screws came out from the wall as she pulled and tugged. Bella tried to break all the shelves off the wall the best she could. Satisfied when there was a disarray of a mess on the floor.

Bella had meant to scratch a message on the wall with her keys but forgot about the shelves. Instead, she closed the door of Edward's room and scratched words "I Hate You, Edward." across it.

Bella couldn't take the emotions riding her anymore. She broke down after scribbling on the door, dropping her keys to the floor. Backing up, sobbing uncontrollably, until her back hit the window wall. She leaned against it and slid down to the floor. Staring at the the name "Edward" on the door as she cried.

"Why?!" she cried loudly.

Bella repeated the word over and over again.

"How am I suppose to live without you?! This isn't living, Edward! I'm dead. I'm already dead! You killed me! I hope you're happy! There was no point in you leaving! I would've been dead either way. Damn you! Damn you, Edward!"

Bella's throat was coarse. It hurt to sob and breathe in and out. She covered her face and kept crying till the burning in her chest was so intense she was gasping to calm down.

Now that Bella was here, and she came to do what she wanted to do, it didn't feel good as she thought it would make her. It made her feel worse, the worst it could be. Being in the room that Edward used to live in. Where the presence of him used to be everyday. This wasn't going to change things, Bella finally realized. It might have been just a big waste of time and energy getting to this point of today.

Bella sat in silence, no more tears, but the burn of swelling eyes there. It took her 30 minutes to get up from the spot she sat down at. Once more, she turned around to view the beautiful scenery through somewhat blurry eyes. Touching the window again, the warmth not as evident as before. One tear escaped, falling to the floor. The sun was just starting to head towards the mountains, it would be getting dark very soon. Bella should head back to face an angry Charlie.

Bella took her time to get to the door, walking ever so slowly. Even though she knew Edward wouldn't ever come back, she prolonged her stay in this room. Hope was always there. She looked at the words on the door she scribbled one more time before turning the knob. Bella's eyes were on the floor as she took her first step to exit the room. As she looked up, she saw him. Edward.

Edward? No. It can't be.

Edward. Edward was there. Leaning against the wall as he sat on the floor, his hands cradling his face. Bella froze. This couldn't be real. He said he would never come back!

Bella's voice was just a whisper.

"Edward?"

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry." Edward muttered through his hands.

Bella couldn't see his face. It was still hidden. Was Edward's expression devastation? His voice sounded destroyed. But, why?

"You're here. But you said..."

"I know... Bella. Bella." he looked up to look at Bella's face, to look into her eyes. "I don't...know what to..."

Anger seemed to take over Bella when she tried to think why Edward would be here. Tears she thought she completely drained dry from her eyes started to threaten again. Bella's chin began to pucker as she tried to hold in the oncoming sobs.

"_Why _are you here? To torture me?" she raised her voice.

Edward's mouth was open as if to say something, but nothing came out. Bella waited. Just looking at Edward made her feel angry and upset at the same time. Although, the anger started to fade as she studied his broken face. Bella wanted to touch him so badly. To pull him into her arms and never let go. But, Edward wouldn't want that. He didn't want her. So she held back.

"You left me. You were never coming back. Now you're here. What are you doing here?" There was no response from Edward. "Say something, Edward!"

"I...I was coming to see you. I heading towards your room, but I heard breaking of glass, here."

After he spoke, Edward's hands cradled his face again, sliding upwards to run his hands through his bronze hair. His eyes closed to calm down from his emotions. But what emotions were they? Then, he looked up to gaze at her broken face again. Bella noticed his eyes were as black as when he met her the first time at Forks High. The dark shadows of circles under his eyes were also evident.

As Bella studied his face, as they both studied each other from the close proximity of the hall, Edward stood. The breeze from his fast vampiric movement stirred the scent around her body and sent Edward's thirst into a frenzy. His throat ached with flames. Edward stopped breathing to conquer the monster that wanted to come out. It's been so long, too long for Edward, to go without experiencing his love's blood and scent. He mentally kicked himself for not hunting before coming to Forks.

"Edward, why?" Bella asked after the moment of silence.

"I couldn't do it, Bella. I couldn't stay away." Edward's voice was low.

"Stay away from what?"

There was a pause of silence for a moment before he spoke. "Your hair. You cut your hair." Edward noticed her hair. Steering the conversation into a different direction.

"Don't change the subject."

Edward couldn't help but walk closer to touch her short tresses with his fingertips. Bella froze again. Her heart started to race as his closeness almost dizzied her. The sweetness of his breath as he spoke brought back wonderful memories of their closeness. Edward looked deep into her chocolate eyes as he spoke.

"I couldn't stay away from you, Bella." Edward admitted.

Bella using her rebellious anger, swiped his hand away as he played with the tips of her hair. Edward surprised, brought his hands to rest behind him. He deserved her anger. He deserved everything she threw at him.

"You should have. It might be too late." she turned to walk back into the room.

"I know, I heard every word you said in the room." Edward's head bent down in defeat. If vampires could cry, he would now, but he couldn't. Just like any other times he wanted to.

Edward followed her into the room, closing the door behind him. He eyed the mess on the floor, following to the wall, where his shelves used to be. He deserved it.

"Don't hate my family, Bella. They didn't want to leave. They said it was my choice and I made it." He tried to look at Bella, but her back was turned. "And I made a bad choice."

"You didn't want me, Edward. Why did you come back for me? Things are different now."

Bella turned around to find Edward just inches from her face. The speed of her heart was fast and so strong, she knew that he could hear it.

"Are you sure?"

"You didn't want me!" she screamed into his face.

Bella tried to push him away from her, even though the effort was useless, she wanted to make a point. Today was such an emotional day for her, Bella couldn't take it anymore. She was so tired, she just wanted to shut down and sleep for days. Not remember anything, if she could. The tears came again, more angrier than ever. Bella's fists started to beat Edward's marble body, which didn't move an inch as she pounded into his chest. The sobs uncontrollable and the words she said, mumbled from her crying.

"You b-bastard....Ed..*sob*..ward. W-why don't *sob* you l-love me?! I'm s-sorry! P-pleaaase."

Bella finally exhausted herself and cried into his chest, feeling weak. Silent whimpers exhaled from her body, as her throat got coarse again from the weeping. Edward held her up as she leaned against his frame.

"Don't you ever apologize for something you didn't do. It was me....it was me." Edward murmured into her hair as he held her tightly. Kissing the top of her head, inhaling her scent as she rested against his chest.

"P-please Edward. Please. D-don't leave me a-again." Bella begged.

"Never. Never again, my love."

Edward lifted her chin up to gaze into her swollen eyes. Even as Bella cried, her eyes were still beautiful. So full of emotion. He wiped the tears that fell as she looked up at him.

"You need to sit down."

Edward led her to the window where she leaned against as he squatted in front of her. Placing both his hands on her face, cradling the love of his life in between his palms.

"There is things I need to tell you before anything else is said." Bella nodded her head.

"I sincerely apologize for everything I have done to you, Bella. I lied when I said I didn't want or need or love you anymore. I did it for the sake of your safety. But I couldn't stay away from you. I couldn't anymore.." Edward's voice broke for a moment. "..you are my life! Don't believe otherwise, _ever_. You thought you died when I left, but _I _died too. Never again, never will I leave."

Tears of happiness overfilled Bella's eyes as he spoke his speech. She clutched to his shirt, gripping them into wrinkles when he was done speaking. Bella felt like she was in a dream, a good dream, and she gripped onto her dream like it would fly away as soon as she woke up. Although, this was real, this was reality. Edward was here, for her. And he loved her, all along.

"Edward..."

Edward placed his finger on her lips to hush her.

"Bella Swan, I'll always love you for as long as I exist." his lips replaced his finger, kissing her lightly. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you, Edward." she whispered.

Bella couldn't believe it. Everything Edward told her wasn't the truth. He needed and wanted her for everything that she was. He did care and came back to be with her. The miserable tugging anger that always haunted her disappeared, leaving a weightless dizzying high. Or was that the high of just being in love?

Edward's lips lingered above hers enough to touch but didn't complete the contact. He wanted to savor this feeling he hadn't had for a time. Bella impatient, as usual, broke the distance between their lips and kissed him with a fire that had been burning her since Edward left. Bella's fingers entwined into Edward's hair, tightening into fists as their kiss became more passionate. From Bella's sitting position and Edward's squatting, they moved to kneel onto their knees, their bodies closer together. The force of the kiss produced Bella to lean against the window wall for support, Edward leaning in with Bella also for support. Pushing the intensity to a higher level. For a moment, Bella was in ecstasy, being with the man she loved. But it was cut short as Edward pulled her away gently.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked, breathless.

"It's just you." Edward smiled. "My control isn't strong as it used to be. It's just been awhile. I'll need to hunt." Edward admitted.

"Oh." Bella smiled shyly. "Sorry."

"Don't be, love." Edward ran his finger across her bottom lip. Bella's breath caught, her heart racing at his touch.

"I missed that." Edward responded to her racing heart.

"I missed you."

They looked into each other's eyes for a time, their hands entwining into each other's. Both studying each other's face. Edward stood up, finally, and helped Bella up. The bedroom door was closed and Edward saw the message she left him.

"Do you?" his eyes moved to hers after reading the words.

"Never."

His smile was sincere. Bella placed an assuring kiss on his lips. Edward walked to the door, Bella hand in his, and opened it.

"So, when did you cut your hair?" Edward asked her curiously.

"You might not want to hear it. It's a _long _story."

"It's alright. We've got time."

"Yes, yes we do." Bella's heart was flying.

Bella smiling contently, closed the bedroom door behind her.

***** PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW! Will continue with the story if you enjoyed it!**


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